So I'm back in England now and have been for a month - still haven't started my job yet which is probably one of the reasons i've been feeling the way i have.
In korea a lot of the time i felt like i wasn't me but now i'm back i'm wondering if that was me because again here i don't feel so comfortable. Even around my best friends i'm feeling kind of awkward. I guess i've just gone and done this completely crazy and wild thing for a year so its hard to relate to them and them to me as they have settled into post uni life which i'm just trying to do now.
I've been talking to my ex as well which doesn't help things she sent me an email before i came home saying she would fight for me and do whatever it took to get me back and oh look i'm back and she can't do it. surprise!!!! she still wants me to be in her life though wants us to build a relationship as friends - which most of the time is fine and i can deal with but then there are those days - when i see a happy couple that reminds me and i just wish that she would look at me that way again that she would see me and realise she can't be without me.
I don't know maybe its not even her maybe i'm just lonely... i just loved her so much and had shut her out but then she wrenched open the doors and leapt back in and then as abruptly as she entered she left while i was sleeping and left the doors wide open in a gale so now i can't shut them